by Shannon Caughey

As a coach, there are situations in which you need to “call a foul” on one of your athletes. It happens during practice when they do something prohibited by the rules of your sport. But it also applies to situations in which you must confront unhelpful or destructive attitudes and behaviors—things that violate acceptable conduct or team values. You call a foul if an athlete speaks or acts in a way that belittles a teammate or undermines team cohesion. You call a foul if a player treats a coach or referee disrespectfully. You can likely think of other scenarios. The goal in calling a foul is to help your athletes turn away from what they are currently doing and instead embrace perspectives and actions that are beneficial.

There are also situations in which we are guilty of unhelpful or hurtful attitudes and behaviors. In this series of devotions, we’ll examine some common “coaching fouls” and consider how God’s Word addresses these issues. Like with your athletes, the goal is to help us turn away from these “fouls” and instead embrace the Lord’s good design for how we coach and live.

One frequent “coaching foul” is unhealthy anger. The coaching experience has plenty of potential “anger triggers”: poor performance by athletes, officiating miscues, difficult parents…  When we get angry, we often say and do things that are unhelpful and hurt others. We may be tempted to rationalize our anger and its destructive consequences, seeing it as just a part of “normal” coaching or blaming it on the people or circumstances that triggered our anger.

However, in Matthew 5:21-22 Jesus confronts our anger and its destructive consequences: “You have heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment.’ But I say, if you are even angry with someone, you are subject to judgment! If you call someone an idiot, you are in danger of being brought before the court. And if you curse someone, you are in danger of the fires of hell.”

This is a forceful “foul call” from Jesus! How then can we avoid the dangers of anger? While the Bible says anger is the right response to injustice, we need to honestly confess that most of our anger is about something other than actual injustice. In his book The Good and Beautiful Life: Putting on the Character of Christ, James Bryan Smith asserts that two things are usually at the root of our anger: unmet expectations and fear. For example, when players don’t do what we tell them to do, our expectation of being in control is unmet. We then fear that if we’re not in control, things will not go well. Or we have an expectation that “life (and referees) must always be fair and just.” When this doesn’t happen and the result is a loss, we fear that people will think we’re not competent or will not approve of us.

How do we counteract this? According to Smith, we must replace the false narratives of our expectations and fears with what Jesus says is true. For example, rather than thinking, “I must be in control,” we choose to trust that Jesus is in control—no matter what happens (Colossians 1:15-17). Rather than expecting life to always be fair and fearing how people view us when things don’t turn out as we think they should, we choose to trust that Jesus knows all, we are secure in him, and he will one day set all things right (Revelation 21:3-7).

Smith highlights the contrast of living by false narratives that characterize those outside of God’s kingdom vs. the true narrative of Jesus for those he’s brought into God’s kingdom: “Outside the kingdom of God we are on our own. We must protect ourselves, fight for our rights and punish those who offend us. Inside the kingdom of God, life is much different. God is with us, protecting us and fighting for our well-being. Knowing this, much of our anger will diminish.”

As a coach, you’ll face situations that tempt you to respond with anger and commit a “foul.” In those moments, remind yourself of what Jesus says is true. While change takes time, including in this area of dealing with anger, trust Jesus and his gracious work in your life.  

For reflection: Confess to the Lord situations in which anger has led you to commit “coaching fouls.” Receive his forgiveness and grace, and ask him to help you trust his control over all things. Meditate on the truth that you are secure in Christ.