by Shannon Caughey

Coaching has its fair share of quandaries—difficult situations in which you are unsure how to respond or what action to take. Some quandaries are directly related to competitive scenarios in your sport: what play to call when the pressure is intense and the game is on the line; when to sub out an athlete who has been your best player in the past but is currently struggling; etc. But other quandaries are less about coaching strategy and more about you personally as a coach. In this series of devotions we’ll consider a few of these quandaries, looking to God’s Word to direct how to respond as a coach who is committed to trusting and following Jesus Christ.

Let’s begin with a common challenge coaches face: difficult relationships. What do you do when you have an athlete who consistently pushes your buttons? Or an athlete’s parent who creates extra stress because of what they say or do? Or even a fellow coach that you’re finding increasingly annoying as the season goes on? How do you relate to difficult people like these (and others) in ways that honor Christ?

Colossians 3:12-14 lays the groundwork for navigating challenging relationships: “¹² Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. ¹³ Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. ¹⁴ Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.”

There is much to be gleaned from this passage! Let’s focus on three principles for glorifying Christ in difficult relationships.

1. Remember your identity in Christ.

When feeling mistreated or disrespected by someone, it’s tempting to interpret that as an undermining of who you are. But your identity does not stand or fall on how others relate to you. If you have responded in faith to Christ, your identity is defined by him. According to v. 12, in Christ you are chosen by God to be part of his holy people, his family. In Christ, you are God’s deeply-loved child. When you remember that your identity in Christ is secure, you’re able to resist taking personally what others say or do to you. This is foundational to being able to respond to them in ways that honor Jesus.

2. Treat others according to the character of Christ.

Because of who you are through your faith union with Christ, you wear new “clothing” that reflects his character. Instead of anger, criticism, or annoyance at difficult people, vv. 12-13 directs us to treat them with mercy, kindness, gentleness, and patience. This is about seeking to understand them (there’s usually a backstory to why people act the way they do), taking action for their good, and being patient when they don’t change as quickly as you’d like (if at all). You’re able to relate to others like this because that’s how Christ treats each of us—difficult people in our own right because of our sin against God.

3. Choose to forgive and love like Christ.

Here’s the ultimate instruction for relationships with difficult people (vv. 13b-14): forgive them and love them, just as the Lord forgives and loves us. When we remember the sacrificial love of Jesus for us—people who repeatedly disobey and disrespect God—and his willingness to give his life so that we could experience forgiveness for all our sins, we are amazed and humbled. It also shows us why we are to keep forgiving and loving others through Christ’s grace. Whatever that athlete, parent, or fellow coach has said or done, choose to forgive them and love them like Christ.

There will always be difficult relationships you encounter. It’s the reality of coaching and living in a sin-damaged world filled with sin-committing people. Navigate the quandary of these relationships by looking to Jesus. Because you are secure in him and how he relates to you, treat even the most challenging people with his love and according to his character. In doing so, you’ll honor Christ and point others to him.

For reflection: Consider the difficult relationships you’re currently encountering. How is Christ directing you to grow in treating these people with his love and character? Give thanks to the Lord for his love and forgiveness.