by Shannon Caughey

You can experience great joy as a coach. You can also suffer pain and carry lingering wounds. You may know the betrayal of fellow coaches or administrators who support you when in your presence but then are critical of you behind your back. Maybe individuals in your community have promoted false narratives about you in an effort to get you removed from your position. Or perhaps someone has verbally attacked you directly, whether in person or by email or social media. 

When we’ve been hurt by others—whether in the coaching sphere or another area of life—it can be a struggle to forgive those who did this to us. Understandably, we want justice: those who did this should receive what they deserve for their wrongs against us. We may be tempted to try to get back at people who hurt us. Or we may just hold onto the anger we feel because we were mistreated, allowing bitterness to take root in us.

As followers of Christ, we know we are supposed to forgive others. The Bible doesn’t give us much wiggle room in this area. In fact, when Jesus taught his disciples to pray—what we today call the Lord’s Prayer—his instruction included this essential dimension of prayer: “and forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us” (Matthew 6:12). What, then, do we do when we’re struggling to forgive someone and we’re in danger of being enslaved by our pain, anger, and bitterness?

First, remember that the Lord has forgiven us—and remember what it cost Jesus to make this forgiveness possible.When others cause us significant wounds, attempting to forgive them by our own strength is a losing battle. Instead, we need to refocus on the cross of Christ, where the sinless Son of God laid down his life to pay the penalty for our sin. As 2 Corinthians 5:21 says, “For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ.” At the cross, Jesus “purchased our freedom and forgave our sins” (Colossians 1:14). Forgiveness always has a cost, and Jesus willingly paid that cost with his very life. He did this for us and for all of our sins—and our sins against God are far, far greater than any sins that others have committed against us.

Then, forgive others as we’ve been forgiven by the Lord—embracing the cost required to forgive. When we see the hurt others have inflicted on us in light of the cross of Christ, we are able to forgive. Why? Because our humble gratitude to the Lord for how he’s forgiven us breaks through the resistance caused by pain or anger. Colossians 3:13 gives this charge: “Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” To forgive others will cost us. We have to pay the price of letting go of pain, anger, or bitterness. We must turn away from the temptation to get back at those who hurt us—even though that pay-back might feel good in the short term. Through Christ, we have been forgiven so much more than we will ever have to forgive and at a far greater cost than we will ever have to pay. Because of this, we embrace the cost required to forgive.

Coach, the pain you experience at the hands of others is real. It is good to desire that truth and justice prevail. Trust God that he will bring this about in his ways and his timing. In addition, trust God and his strength as he calls you to forgive those who hurt you. When this is a struggle, remember again how the Lord has forgiven all your sins through giving his life for you. Out of humble gratitude, forgive others as you’ve been forgiven by God.

For reflection: Bring to the Lord any situations in which you’re struggling to forgive others. Ask him to help you refocus on the cross and all that he has forgiven you. Pray for his strength and grace to forgive those who’ve hurt you and to embrace the cost required to do so.